i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
