I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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