Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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