I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
