I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
