I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize