Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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