Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
