I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
