my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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