Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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