i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
