im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
