cat food counts as protein by the way
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
