I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dicks are not precious.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
