ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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