We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
