Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
