No stitches, just platelets and will power
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
