she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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