Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
