His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Boobs speak an international language.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
