Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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