perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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