I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
two words: eviction party
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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