so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
