Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
