You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
