I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
