Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everclear isn't food dammit
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize