then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is wine microwaveable?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
