Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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