god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
