Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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