i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize