I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
