I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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