just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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