You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
