now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
