based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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