Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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