Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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