Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize