i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Too much gin, very little bucket
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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