Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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