Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
