im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
