What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
