i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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