there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
