you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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