another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
