upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
