Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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