She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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