your parents love me but you hate me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
