i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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