New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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