So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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