apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
