i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
