Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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