I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
