It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
