The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
