Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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