My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think people are normalizing furries
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize